Why do we still feel attached or jealous when a covert narcissist moves on, even after realizing their toxicity and the suffering they caused?

they try to hide their inner conflict

to

They are putting their best feet forward to provide the illusion of who they are and it is amazing at breaking down your defenses, boundaries and cement your trust. No cluster b ever comes into your life wearing a warning label and a neon sign that they are coming into your life to only eventually to tear it apart.

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They literally are able to compartmentalize you out of existence. This is a mal adaptive coping mechanism to assuage them from guilt and accountability. Its the biggest truth your brain has to learn. Every minute you shared with them that you cherrished and hold space for can be washed clean and with no remorse or empathy how that is going to hurt you to the core you

(hopefully my crash course helps)

all good and all bad.

Why do the majority of feminists hate men (not all feminists)?

Also you probably arent , just like most of us at the time, not educated in cluster b , you have your own lens and in your life time you may have heard the term narcissist but never imagined yould actually end up marrying or pairing with one.

you cant change them

after that you simply get shelved or dumped into a dust bin.

Hello,hope y'all doin good, i came to Quora to share my strange story , a very weird one , a story when luck smiled at me ,maybe u will enjoy it , let's begin,have fun... A year ago ,I was a real porn addicted(btw I was 18) ,but never had sex before, I don't have a gf I didn't try to find one even ,always thinking to go to find a sex worker but then I just don't , everyday watching different bodies getting fucked and everyday enjoying. One day, I was watching porn, a big ass lady with big boobs ,just after seeing her the image of my female cousin poped in my mind, (let's introduce her : she's 35 years old , very big ass , nice boobs ,not very big but nice,always wearing tight clothes , she's divorced ) and I thought of me fucking her ,I never had sexual desires for her but now I do days went by and when I met her I was so horny ,I couldn't stay with the family cz my penis was clearly erected , I realized this is my first time I get horny for one of my family ,it not illegal in my country.well to make a long story short( if u want details just text me I will tell u 😊),I decided to give her signs that I want to fuck her,finally I decided to have sex and with my cousin , I thought it is the best beggining for me, i started touching her when I came across her in a narrow place , make her feel my hard cock when we hug , I thought it will hard and I will be ashamed but no , I felt nothing and she said nothing , probably she thought it was by mistake,anyways, I decided then to talk with her about sex, waited for her to be alone in a room and talk with her, I confessed everything about me watching porn and addicted..etc,she said it's normal and u are growing up and u must have sex,well at that time I was like whaaat????? Well I didn't control myself and asked her for sex ( horny like I Ve never been before) she said that she will think Abt it ,2 weeka went by then she called me ,telling that she reserved a room in a hotel and we meet tonight ,we met,and bruuhh, sex is great , I mean, I had to find a pirstitue ,what I was waiting for to have such a feeling ????, I will never forget that night, I started kissing her she was kissing hard ,she misses sex so bad , she sucked my dick and swallowed my semen ,I felt I'm in a dream , then when fucked ,her ass was very big and the anus was open ,didn't struggle to get my hard cock inside it , she was obviously missing sex , she was shouting ,fuck me yh fuck me , I go fast after every word until I cum , we did that 3 times , then we went to her pussy , using condoms I fucked her so hard the moans were higher , everything was perfect ,in the end I asked her to lick her body , licked pussy ,ass, boobs,then she sucked my cock until we sleeped ,all I know that she was dirty ,well before even having sex with her I knew she is an open minded woman , and a woman that looks that she donesnt know anything , but she knows everything, but never expected having sex with her ,well she was horny and that helped...but no one of us regretted that sex ever.. We still have sex from time to time ,and I started having sex with sex workers , joining threesomes..etc If u want pics of her text me.

rinse and repeat. You exist in their grandiosity only to serve, obey, capitulate, agree, go along with, lift them up, provide supply and if you fall out of that frame work then you get punished. You get ghosted. You get discarded. Devalued. You are effortlessly cut out of their mind. Look up splitting, object impermanance and object inconstancy.

no one wants to admit your relationship tanked, you are in over your head and for many of us we get locked into thinking it was our fault, we can FIX them, they just need therapy, we can pray it away. For coverts they capitolize on that you fall for their victimhood stance. These slippery snakes absolutely pray on your desire to fix or help them. They will suck you in, suck you dry, discard you and move on and your brain cannot fathom your loved one just robbed you of time, energy, your love, your vulnerability, your kindness and your left with picking up the pieces , scared shitless to trust again because you now have to reprogram your mind that your whole entire relationship was a big fat nothing burger and they dont care.

you dont get an education in cluster b in high school. In college and university most undergrads are not going to get this education unless you specialize in mental health , psychiatry, psychology , addictions etc. even then you get book smart but thats not the same as lived experience.

Since the Brits can't steer their oil tanker, what makes them think they can take on Russia?

most dont seek treatment and most do the most irrational thing they download all their crap on to you and brainwash you to become obediant. To sell what they are buying.

however in a matter of months your going to be inteoduced to the carbon copy little hiccups of ommissions, lies, off behaviour, incongruencies and dor most if us we may pick up on these things but make no mistake these folks work their magic with counteracting it with gas lighting, deflection , blame shifting and manipulating behaviour. In effect they very consiously start covering their tracks knowing you care for them or love them. Its very easy to play with you because who expects a loved one to be duplicitious. You almost believe the shyte they spoon feed you laced with sugar.

rinse and repeat.

Whenever I write a novel, I struggle with the end, should I make it open? Should the good win or the bad win? Sometime I don't even have an ending, what should I do?

you may have bought what they are selling its exactly how experts describe the infiltration of cults operate and cult leaders.

It is probably the most asked question.

and here is a reason many dont acknowledge you just happened to be there. No other reason. Statistics prove ten percent are out there. Chances are one in ten your going to cross paths

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you didnt cause it

or they make life such hell you leave or they push you away and out.

you are incompatable from the minute you went on your first date. Again you dont know this and for most of them they may yave a sense they are off but it usually ends there.

Beautiful European women were killed by inquisition but Russia was not Catholic. Is this the reason for a drastic difference explaining why Russian women are the prettiest?

(Most dont know or will admit they are off or ill and the more malignant types that do know do not care)

again the dynamics you are constantly in conflict with is they dont see you as a person, they see you as supply. Something to exploit

their is no set answer to this as they are individuals and as different as we are individuals and we are all unique.

What are some sad truths about life?

cowardly by ghosting

1. They do not bond

they all have to polish their grandiosity

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targets may experience in the idealization stage of love bombing, securing , mirroring and grooming. This is the point where you are feeling the first taste of brainwashing.

to them its a means to an end and the self fulfillment of their prophecy. They are parasites in prada. They are sexual preditors. They can be spiritual preditors. They prop you up, secure you, use you and if it falls apart good luck in closure or answers because generally most dont have the temerity to make amends, give you closure, walk with you while your healing and trying to give you an understanding of why they did the dine n dash or hit n run

mean

In the TV show Supernatural, why is God portrayed as cruel?

the suffering they cause in their minds is the contractual obligation you unknowingly signed for by allowing them in your life. Its rely that simple. They only have two black n white views of you

Think if it this way its almost a disorder where they dont live in reality and they bend yours. The goal is to take the spot light off of them and to download all the chaos, confusion, drama and manipulation

some cast you in a state of limbo and while you are immovilized they live their secret life under your radar. Often hidden on there phones, laptops, ipads, at work, when your at work, busy with the kids etc. sound effed up and like a stephen king book ? Well it is. And heres the kicker they are in your churches, your politics, at work and in your families and even your bed. We live in a society where narcissism is even rewarded or you have institutions that mask abuse. Make no mistake it is abuse, it is domestic abuse and it is an epidemic.

Do you think Lady Gaga and Celine Dion have rehearsed separately for their performance at the Olympics opening ceremony?

thats why pwNPD leaves scars and trauma and

they NEED supply (pos or neg)

but you can and will heal.

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so why you ask why do you feel attached? Its caused trauma bonding

unless you provide supply.

them

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discard

you cant control it

they truly want to love and to be loved and this is is the part you get sucked into.

you may lack education in this area

in time your going to experience cycles of

lets face it coverts are called coverts for a reason (hidden). The introverted passive aggressive styles. Overts are the greagarious , over the top and extroverted types. Plus you have other flavors and incarnations but lets just stick with these two common types. So with the terms of sociopath, psychopath, malignants, borderlines and with various personality attachment styles is it no wonder where this all gets very overwhelming.

and this is the devaluation stage. Now sonce we know they are essentially broken how do you get rid of a problem you created?

in these cycles they cannot handle stress, crisis, life’s problems and that includes how to engage in a healthy relationship where its essential to love, reciprocate, make relationship goals, and so on.

it could be you were raised in a cluster b home

devalue

In effect without these two ingrediants your relationship is going to tank only you dont know it because they fake empathy, they fake connection (mirroring). They do not have the capacity for emotional attachment and emotionally availability… why?

you often begin capitulating or live in limbo confused as they have ways of counteracting your such as gas lighting, future faking, silent treatment, stone walling, projecting, blame shifting, rewritting history or events and you wont even know what planet your on.

your trying to move forward with a person who is trying to hide the deep insecurity that they are broken, off, not happy, not secure, not open to introspection, and in this your going to recognize all narcs thrust from the position of

after idealization you become relaxed, your guard is down. Your thinking this feels good.

so here is my crash course !

on to you.

control

so you get into these relationships with a petulant child that has zero clue how to adult, communicate, problem solve, emote properly, and they have no inner core of self.

that may be sex, money, resources, praise, adoration, your looks, your happiness, codependency, they even get off on conflict as supply. Whatever they feel they can exploit. Again this is very stuff you didnt learn on oprah or readers digest.

How ever for starters

you lack boundaries

you may just be lonely and out of a bad relationship and they are preditors for you when you still raw

sometimes hoover

you get stuck in the conned idealizattion stage they force fed you and their is this thing called cognitive dissonance that blinds you between dr hekyl mrs hyde.

you may have met a narc and never knew it.

ill leave it on this note

nothing

it could be codependence

The most off putting truths you learn is

you may have betrayal trauma

2.they may have cognitive empathy but lack wnotional empathy.

Narcs are formed at early childhood either by neglect, abandonment, trauma, bad parenting, genetics, environment, etc and they are stunted here. So basically you have a child that ages only they dont develop into adulthood like normal folks.

idealize

Idealize to devalue

So while they meander through life your needs, your wants, your desires are nothing to them. With no empathy, no idea or care to what makes you tick your going to repeatedly expect them to be compatable to sunchronize to join you on your journey and they will become bored with you. Your supply gets stale and so most cheat, have affairs, struggle with comorbities, porn, depression, anxiety and cannot cope with life so whatever comes across their path that grandiosity kicks in and they will easily get into all these self destructive areas and they have very little care to how that impacts you. Your not a person your supply. When you cant connect with your partner then all the cluster b stuff pops up your clueless and all they know is they ARE entitled to lie, cheat, steal and its compulsary. Its in their dna. They have some all thos before you came along and will keep doing ot when your gone.